Wikileaks is under fire again for releasing more national secrets and the city of Malibu has been declared to be in a state of emergency.
Famed pop star Hannah Montana is not who she said she is.
California State Police have teamed up with the FBI to investigate Montana’s past. Her birth certificate’s image has been circulating the Web since Wikileaks uncovered the document on Monday.
The image, displayed at right, has shown that Montana has been living a lie, a double life under the name of “Miley Stewart.”
Montana is now facing charges of Public Deception and Attempted Terrorism. The FBI believes that Montana has been investigating the lives of fellow celebrities as a spy—for whom she is spying, they are not yet sure. Montana will plead Not Guilty to charges in court on December 21, 2012.
“I’m just like anybody else, can’t you tell?” said Montana, in a press conference with media powerhouses like Us Weekly, J14 Magazine, and Good Housekeeping. “And nobody’s perfect. I may have flaws, but I am not a terrorist or a spy.”
Montana has apparently been attending Seaview High School under her alias. Fellow students at the school were shocked to learn that a terrorist may have been in their midst this entire time.
“I can’t believe that my life has maybe been in danger this entire time,” said popular girl Amber Addison. “I even sang on a TV show with her. When she got sprayed with that gunk, I thought it was just a coincidence. Now, I think she had a terrorist plot planned and that was someone’s way of stopping her from killing me. I am, in fact, a national treasure.”
Montana’s exposure as a possible terrorist has also linked Disney into the plot. The FBI has been rereading the diaries of Walt Disney to check if perhaps all of the amusement parks, movies, TV networks, and stores were all the beginning of an elaborate plot to take over the entire world. Stories of five-year-old Robbie Ray Stewart collaborating with a dying Disney to create this terrorist scheme are spreading across the country and worldwide.
“That’s why his hair is so big,” said Malibu resident Damian Northshore. “It’s full of secrets.”
Montana is being kept in the Malibu County Jail until more information can be uncovered, and in the meantime, the United States government has placed a complete embargo on the country, and no communications are being allowed to any foreign nation for fear of attack.
Investigations have now pointed to Lola Luftnagle (under the name “Lily Truscott”) and Mike Standley III (under the name “Oliver Oken”) as being members of the scheme as well. They are also being retained in solitary confinement, as their level of involvement has not yet been determined.
Montana has been waterboarded and shocked via electric chair, but still no confession has been made.
“I just wanted to get the best of both worlds,” insisted Montana. “I wanted to chill it out, and take it slow, and then rock out the show. Is that so wrong?”
