According to a recent interview with director Michael Bay, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” was the first movie to be made entirely without actors.
Speaking with Esquire Magazine about his upcoming movie “Transformers: Dark of the Moon,” Bay said he would be making a change by actually casting some people in his next movie.
“Well see, humans really aren’t my thing,” Bay told the magazine, “so I decided to just use computer imaging software to ‘shop in Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox.”
Bay reportedly used the voice recordings of Microsoft Sam, a computer generated voice available on most Windows machines, to give the animations-who-don’t-explode something to say.
“I just wanted to show more robots who transform into cars made by General Motors. But after a bunch of studio executives said I needed ‘actors’ in this ‘movie’ to advance the ‘plot,’ I just decided to edit in a bunch of cartoons who make crude sex jokes.”
Bay was amazed how easily the ‘people’ in “Transformers 2” fooled the audience.
Rather than going through the trouble of casting Megan Fox, he just photocopied a bunch of lewd pictures she did for Vanity Fair and played them fast enough people thought she was a character. Admittedly, the faux Fox acted just as well as the real one.
This revelation of technological advancement comes as a huge relief to ‘actor’ and former “Even Stephen” Shia LaBeouf.
“I’ve been trying to tell people that I never actually acted in this movie, that I had no idea how I appeared on that screen,” said LeBouf, “I mean all that rendering of me did was scream and whine and not make any sense against the massive plot holes. I do alot more than that. I also sometimes say actual words and pretend I’m a good actor—I’m already working on ‘Indian Jones 5.’”
Bay’s passion for minimal plot and maximum ridiculousness in studio effects was encompassed nicely in the robots from the last transformers movie.
Bay evidently decided that his film did not have enough jokes for third graders and comical stereotypes, so he included two twin robots who earn the immediate hatred of the audience, Skids and Mudflap (seriously).
“Well since the very mature and deeply thought-out romance between Even Steven and Hot Chick was too involving and made too much sense, I needed to have more things that would become the Jar Jar Binks of this movie,” said Bay.
Michael Bay’s next movie, “Transformers: Dark of the Moon,” opens in early July, and devoted fans of the comic may be disappointed once again that measly homo sapien life forms may play a part in this movie.
However, Bay may give hope for the people who want the movie to have an even more convoluted plot than “Inception,” while still being not nearly as interesting.
“I’ve decided to forget about actually making money from ticket sales,” said Bay.
Instead, Bay will completely pay for the movie with product placement.
“General Motors already gave me three million dollars to exclusively feature their cars, and I’ll put giant stickers for Bing.com and Five Hour Energy on Bumblebee’s hood,” said Bay. “You know what? What if I just had all the ‘actors’ wear suits with a bunch of brands on them, like in NASCAR.”
