That dreaded time is here again. Sandwiched between midterms and course selection season to help cure the post holiday slump, Valentine’s Day stands as one holiday people prefer to skip.

It may have been fun in elementary school when there were candy hearts and cards from friends to look forward to, but now Valentine’s Day is mostly made for those who have someone to share it with. For the rest of the student population, it is a day to be dreaded. From the cringeworthy PDA greeting you in the hallways to the almost laughable plethora of gaudy gifts dangling in bags or on strings from people’s arms. Bouquets of roses and tulips in every shade of red imaginable, obnoxiously sized balloons that swallow their victims as they are lugged from class to class by unfortunate recipients, and totes filled with anything that can be covered in chocolate. But perhaps the most comical of all are the bears. Stuffed bears in every shape, size, and faux fur color clutching little crimson hearts. They can fit in the palm of your hand, the crook of your arm, or, if that is not enough, they can be as big as you. Anyone suffering from a bear attack this Valentine’s Day can blame Costco for this gift idea that redefines the meaning of “buying in bulk.”

What is worse is that the day is virtually unavoidable. For those without a significant other who would still like to treat themselves, staying home watching The Bachelor is hardly an option. It would be difficult to argue for a pre arranged absence under Admin’s new attendance policy citing foreseen heart issues that do not necessarily impair one’s learning abilities. In any case, the real disease will have already infected lovesick couples across school. Warning, contagions include: chocolate, candy hearts, and the color red.

The winter months are often the slowest and most agonizing time for students. Beginning with the letdown of the holiday break ending, students return to realize how much cramming they have to do for all the things they forgot about on their time off. Midterms and tests follow as the second quarter comes to a fast finish. But then everything slows down again, and we are launched into the third quarter where time passes in slow motion. In February, where the only reprieve is a day off for Presidents’ Day, it makes sense that another holiday should be inserted to break up the month, but Valentine’s Day is a poor excuse for this. While garnering sufficient popularity, its only purpose seems to be to assuage the general melancholy of winter, although, it would be more successful in this if people got the day off to appreciate their loved ones and focus on self love. Surely, this would be more productive in benefitting one’s mental health.

As for now though, Valentine’s Day remains a half-hearted holiday strung together by scraps of pink, red, and white.

*this article is meant to be satirical