news”, a new podcast from the Oracle that

covers everything new to West

Springfield. I’m Christina Nies, and I’m

Ben Bradfield. We are joined today by

guest host Paula De Megret-Murray. Hi

everyone. Today is Friday, February 16, 2024.

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students are assessing what it

means to be in a relationship in the

modern dating world the term

situationship has been floating around

social media for a while now which urban

dictionary users Define as a

relationship that has no label on it

like a friendship but more than a

friendship but not quite a

relationship the culture of dating is

ever changing and young people must

frequently adjust their expectations

regarding modern dating often resulting

in confusion and frustration today we

will talk with junior Dia Tafilaj who

has strong opinions on the topic of

modern dating hi I’m

Dia so Dia do you have any experience

with

situationships can you walk us through

some of the pros and cons of this kind

of relationship yeah I do have

experienced with

situationships unfortunately I’m going

to say that because um it’s it’s a very

Rocky type of relationship you know what

I mean like it doesn’t have a label to

it but then it kind of does and then

what are you going to tell your friends

when they ask oh are you a thing you

know what I mean so there’s a lot of

exceptions to it uh I would say there’s

more cons than Pros for sure if you

wanted to look at the pros of it I would

say that um I guess it kind of give you

it gives you experience in a way so that

you know what to kind of go away from

you know what I mean what you don’t like

like what you don’t like exactly and

then um there’s just so many cons you

know what I mean like like you you can

ruin a friendship that way by starting

something that’s not really something

you can like gossip like gossip happens

you know like oh they’re together and

then stuff spreads and they were never

actually together you know what I mean

so a lot of like um again like I said

Rocky areas that you can’t really push

past through so yeah that’s like really

interesting um and do you think like

that can have a negative impact on

people’s mental health oh my God yeah

for sure it could definitely have a

negative impact on people’s mental

health and like what are all the ways it

can negative to negatively impact well

for me personally from my experience um

I would say that it just kind of

confuses you so much you know what I

mean and it causes so much anxiety so

you don’t know like what to think uh for

example um like last year if I was in a

situationship it would literally

distract me from my studies cuz I would

be thinking about that and then I’d be

like oh wait no I’m doing AP world right

now let me do this right now right and

then I’d be like but why did he text

that or why did he say that you know and

it just really can cause so much like

anxiety and you like I said it can

distract you from your school work and

mental health is a has a big impact in

like how you do in school like how you

perform in your studies so yeah and like

what is your opinion on those mixed

signals like do you think that the mixed

signals are actually like sending a

message like what what is their message

okay so I think mixed signals is kind of

a loose term here you know what I mean I

think so sometimes it could mean like oh

they’re they just smiled at me in the

hallway like but then they won’t text me

for 2 days or they’re telling their

friends about me but they won’t talk to

me kind of thing um I think that it can

cause a lot of

confusion um and I don’t know it just it

really messes with people and I think

mix signals is not the correct term to

use I would say maybe

like just actually no mix signals is

perfect yeah for sure yeah I don’t know

what I’m saying I’m just

rambling okay yeah no no no well spoken

entirely um how do you perceive

situationships what has the notion of a

relationship changed since um the

beginning of you being in high school

well when I started High School I was

just so excited you know about

everything which is I’m wrong now like

everything is different now but when I

was was a freshman I was just so excited

to like you know like expand um my

horizons and like meet new people right

and some of these people you know ended

up being put into a situationship with

me and I didn’t really enjoy that um I

think that situationships have kind of

progressed they’ve become more of the

the standard I would say for this time

because so many people are like I don’t

know they just want something they

whether it’s a friendship or

relationship I think they try to find a

middle so that they don’t have to deal

with all the consequences of each and I

think that’s like the problem and I

think it’s becoming again like I said

more of a standard I feel like people

don’t want to commit but they want like

to pretend they’re in a relationship

like they want the perks of being in a

relationship without the actual

relationship yeah that’s fair I would

say yeah but I also think it’s kind of

an escape you know from like everyday

problems you know what I mean like

someone just to go to you know even if

you don’t know EX

what your relationship stance is with

that person you just have someone that

you can talk to and someone that you can

like have a shoulder on you know what I

mean makes sense yeah so yeah yeah

MH um and so do you you kind of said

that you like view all situationships as

negative and that most of them yeah yeah

I mean what what are the positives I

know that you’ve kind of touched on that

but like why is it that it’s become the

norm why are people doing this okay so

the positives of the

situationship I would say like I said an

escape you know to kind of get away from

everyday problems and to have someone to

kind of lean on you know um and they’ve

become more normalized because um again

people just really want to escape this

kind of you know this kind of reality

that we have you know cuz they don’t

want to deal with all like the external

pressures that school provides or the

external pressure that a family might

provide you know what I mean so these

situationships can be seen as sort of an

escape or like just someone to go to

someone to have like a fling with you

know just to kind of get away from

everything else that’s happening around

you you know what I mean so yeah so but

is the problem with the situationships

that one person cares more than the

other because if it’s just an escape for

two people like what’s the problem there

well that’s a good question that’s a

hard question question um I think each

situationship is different for sure you

know but what really is the difference

between a fling and a situationship

right so I think sometimes people might

be Allin in a relationship or in a

situationship and then the other

person’s like whoo like chill you know

what I mean and that’s kind of what like

like you were saying like that’s kind of

some of them but not all of them for me

a sophomore year I did I think I did use

it kind of as a an escape to kind of get

away from external pressure that was

going on at home or like just anxiety

that was happening from school you know

cuz it was just a crazier last year for

me uh but again everybody’s like

situations are different you know like

we can’t just base all of this on what

I’m saying you know so in that scenario

did you feel like being in a

relationship like it would cause more

pressure on you and that’s why you

preferred the like situationship yeah I

think you said it perfectly I think yeah

because I mean I’m in a much better

place now but last year for sure it

definitely like a relationship would

have been like terrible you know what I

mean because I was dealing with other

stuff and then on top of that like

having this whole relationship would

cause me to make all my priorities based

on that one person and I just kind of

wanted to escape the stuff that I was

dealing with like the anxiety from

school and stuff like that and how did

that person like feel about the

situation well in that like in that

stance specifically they were kind of

fine with it because they were dealing

with the same problems you know so it

was kind of like our problems kind of

connected us you know what I mean um but

yeah so like in a way not only are

situationships maybe causing students to

feel like having a negative mental

impact but also like um they being

brought into situationships because of

other external negative like mental

impacts yeah you wrapped that up really

good did you feel guilty at all for not

wanting to commit to a relationship well

at that significant point in my life no

do I feel guilty about it now yeah for

basically all my past situationships I

do feel guilty about them uh because I

just think they are very negative like

I’ve said before I didn’t feel guilty

about it then because I was dealing with

something um and so was that other

person so we kind of it was both of our

faults in a way and we kind of connected

because of that anxiety we were sharing

at that point uh like I previously

stated so at that point in my life I

thought everything was fine and I didn’t

feel guilty about it at that point but

now when I look at it from a different

lens you know and now that I’m in a

better place right I’m like yeah I feel

bad like I feel bad and I think that

person also feels bad about it too and

would you ever like be in a

situationship ever

again well okay here’s my thing with

situationships I think it’s kind of

here’s a positive okay cuz I know I said

I didn’t have a lot of positives but

here’s one apparently I think it’s kind

of

like the step before you get into a

relationship for some cases right so

you’re kind of in that talking SL

situationship stage where you don’t

really know what you guys are yet but

then one person’s like wait let’s make

this official and if the other person

agrees then you’re in a relationship

right so I feel like you kind of have to

get through

that like awkward stage you know and

then get into the relationship next but

I would never stay in a situationship

for longer than

you know a certain amount of time how

long is that time

period because then people get stuck and

they can’t get out yeah I know I’m

trying to I know there’s you know I

think it’s different for each situation

too I think um right now like are you

asking for right now or like in the past

or like what are the signs that it’s

like oh this is just the middle part

before we get into a relationship or

what are the signs that like no this is

a long lasting situationship like what

are those like maybe red flags like

green flags got it got it okay that’s a

good question okay um so okay first of

all to answer the previous one I think

that a situationship before a

relationship shouldn’t last more than a

month it should not last more than a

month because then I think that’s when

you’re stepping into like scary

territory and you’re about to stay in

that situationship for a long time R

everyone yeah one month rule even a

little

calendar this is the day it has to

happen yeah no I think that um the

difference between both of them so okay

a situationship that’s longlasting the

signs that I would say for that is when

you get those texts that are super like

we said mixed signals and are super off

and on right so they could be all in one

week and then all of a sudden they’re

like yeah like I haven’t talked in a bit

but I’ve been busy like that’s so stupid

like just I hate the I’ve been busy text

like shut up like you don’t want this

relationship just tell me now like

you’re not going to hurt my feelings

that’s another thing with the like the

whole hurting feelings thing like I’d

rather you tell me rather than like 6

months later now I’m like oh my God this

is terrible right so I think straight up

be straight with people you know who

cares about hurting people’s feelings

because you’re going to get over it you

know what I mean or you’re going to get

something great out of it you know and I

think people are just so scared so like

like I said the whole difference I would

say is when they look like they’re ready

to commit right so like texts like we

should hang out or we should do this or

like making plans that’s a really good

sign cuz then you’re like oh like

they’re thinking long term like they’re

they’re ready to do this right and then

the other point when they’re like the

I’ve been busy text or they like kind of

like getting away detaching themselves

but then coming back at random points

you know what I mean right like that X

you never want back you know what I mean

going back to your perspective why do

you think situationships have become so

common as of late do you think social

media has anything to do with this

change in modern

dating

social media I don’t know if it I think

it amplifies people’s perspective on

situationships you know and I think the

best advice I could give to anyone is to

not completely stay off social media but

don’t let it run your whole like mindset

and ideas and like feelings you know

because it can definitely do that and

there’s a bunch of like 12-year-olds on

like Tik Tok that make these like dumb

videos where it’s like if you see his

letter on your on on the screen then

that means he’s going to contact you

right and I think that’s like kind of

making it a norm for the younger

generation which I think is so dumb you

know I think that it’s really dumb yeah

because I think now people that are like

I said like 12 are assuming that oh like

this is okay you know which is it’s not

you know and social media is just

amplifying these negative feelings you

know so yeah well thank you yeah we

we’ve been your host I’m Ben Bradfield.

I’m Paula De Megret. I’m Christina Nies

stay tuned for more updates on the

Oracle online and the Oracle Instagram.

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