Miss Universe 2017
February 22, 2017
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The crowd goes silent, the lights dim, the contestants start to sweat profusely, Steve Harvey’s reading glasses tremble in his hands, and the title of Miss Universe goes to… oh wait no one cares.
The Miss Universe 2016 competition was held in Manila, Philippines in late January, which went a whole lot better than the last time the US visited the bay. Iris Mittenaere from France was crowned the 65th Miss Universe. Iris was a real eye-catcher, plus she’s French.
This year the Miss Universe Organization (MUO) attempted to change the usual order of the show but just ended up making things harder for Steve Harvey to explain to a crowd of people, who surprisingly enough don’t all speak English. I mean come on; the least a person could do is learn a difficult language to tune into a competition that supposedly represents not just the world but the entire universe.
Also, they brought Harvey back despite last year’s debacle of him calling out the wrong winning name. Does the Miss Universe Organization like embarrassing themselves or is it a complete coincidence? Maybe it’s his mustache that keeps making them come back. Those handle bars can’t be ignored.
The swimsuit competition passed in its usually deeming and sexist nature. People cheering for girls that look like rejected Victoria Secret Angels, and men taking pictures of girls half their age. It’s okay though; it’s completely accepted when it’s a beauty pageant.
The national costume contest made me upset that I’m not from the Virgin Islands because I too would love to walk around in a feathery wildebeest-looking costume.
The MUO decided to radically change the question portion of the competition. Gasp. And get this, they somehow made it even more hilarious than previous years. Now, only three contestants have to face this round and they all receive. The. Same. Exact. Question.
But don’t worry, each contestant also receives a headset that blocks thought, I mean noise, so that they will not hear the other competitors’ deep analysis of the question.
The question was, “Name something over the course of your life that you failed at and tell us what you learned from that experience.” Sounds more like a badly worded college essay prompt than a pageant question to me. Shouldn’t the question reflect the pageant girl’s view of the world, or some fluffy bull like that? But, I digress.
It’s been a great year for beauty pageants, and I still absolutely, with every fiber in my being, hate writing these reviews.