Trying to come up with what to write in this column is a strugg. I don’t know how to be funny on command and claiming I know how to write is a stretch, so volunteering to do this probably wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had.
The theory behind this was the fact I complain…A LOT. And this could be a place for me to go on a 5 minute rant without having to annoy anyone, cause let’s get real who reads The Oracle, anyway? Well, except for kids avoiding work in class. The pressure to be entertaining is just too daunting for me to handle.
I don’t even know what to write. I have four different articles started but I just can’t seem to expand the ideas into an actually column. It’s not like I’m having a hard time finding things to complain about. I could complain about anything but none of the things I think of warrant a 400 word column dedicated to it.
I’ve self-diagnosed myself with a serious case of writer’s block that can only be cured by a long shower and three hours of Netflix.
Showers can cure anything. As soon as you enter a shower, your troubles wash down the drain and if you’re like me you gain 20 IQ points. I turn into a scholar in the shower. If I could harness the power of the shower during the school day I would probably be on my way to an Ivy League school next year and writing this column would be 100 times easier.
Maybe If I got up from this couch I would produce a better column for all you lovely readers that are still reading this, but if you’ve ever sat on Nelson’s couch you know it’s impossible to get out of. The couch is a journalism students kryptonite, if you sit down for a minute I can guarantee out better. I promise I am funny, just in 140 characters or less. Or at least my dad thinks I am.