Calvin and Hobbes may be the most beloved children’s cartoon of all time, but that won’t stop us from making a mediocre pun and creating a column to profit off of its success. And thus we wind up with Calvin and Pabs.

Now we know what you’re thinking – “Wait a second! Pablo is actually a person, not a tiger! Your column is terrible!”

Well it’s funny you should say that, imaginary person. Pabs may be a tennis-playing junior of Puerto Rican descent on the outside, but on the inside, he’s a tiger, like Katy Perry. Only he doesn’t roar, because he takes his role as a tiger seriously and recognizes that tigers don’t actually do that.

In truth, our young tiger is quite a bit like Hobbes himself, who only really comes to life when the people are not around to see him and call animal control.

“Ok,” you’re probably thinking at this point. “But what about Calvin? He’s far too handsome and manly to pass for his cartoon counterpart. And have you seen his jawline?”

Thanks imaginary person. We appreciate the sentiment. But don’t worry, these Calvins share more than just an excellent first name. For starters, their deep, philosophical nature. You may not realize this, but WS’s own Calvin often ponders the meaning of life, the universe and everything, with the help of his not-entirely-imaginary friend Pabs.

Furthermore, they share a mutual hatred of any schoolwork that could actually help them learn. Our own dashing young Calvin has only applied himself once in this entire school year, and that was to fill out a “Presidential March Madness” bracket. No studying, no homework, and no essays – just a bunch of poorly-developed basketball references on an assignment that wasn’t even required. Besides, imagination is key to progression. The similarities are uncanny.

Between Pabs’ metaphorical existence as a fearsome jungle animal, Calvin’s insatiable desire to do absolutely nothing productive, and their shared love of deep philosophical questions, we think it’s clear they are the literal reincarnation of Bill Watterson’s cartoon everyone knows and loves.

And if you don’t agree, we will not hesitate to imagine an elaborate and implausible scenario in which you meet your untimely demise.