I am proud to say that I have reached my third column. I know, I know, it isn’t much of an accomplishment but I’m quite satisfied with it.

So for this installment, I’ve decided to write about the best ways to get over a breakup.

Now, please understand this, it is advice columnist law to write at least one column advising you on how to deal with a breakup, and since Valentine’s Day was coming up, I thought “why not?”

And here we go.

Option 74 to get over a breakup: make sure you have an unlimited supply of tissues. Enough said.

Option 348: eat loads of ice cream. I genuinely mean loads, pack it on people! This is a personal favorite because the least you can do for yourself is drown out your sorrows in buckets of fattening ice cream.

Option 29: watch plenty of cheesy and tacky movies from the ‘80s (mainly the ones directed by John Hughes) to mend your broken heart. This activity can be done with the ones already listed up above, and by doing so you will kill three birds with one stone. Movies to consider watching include “The Breakfast Club”, “16 Candles”, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, or maybe even “Pretty In Pink”. Those movies may not cure your bleeding heart but they’re simply great flicks to watch at anytime.

Option 94.71: blast that Journey song for the purpose of crying (and possibly singing) your heart out to. Just sit in your beat up old clunker of a car when the rain is pouring and play whatever Journey song comes on the radio. You don’t even really need to know the words, just make random noises as the song goes along. No one’s going to judge you necessarily, it all depends on how good your singing is.

Option 820: read lots of submissions on the FML website. If you thought your life was bad, just reading 10 of those can make your breakup seem like a minuscule issue compared to all those sob stories.

Overall, breakups are hard to go through and if none of these options make you feel any better, then the only suggestion I would have for you is to just sit in a dark room and do absolutely nothing.

But just remember while you’re sitting there mindlessly, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.