The Ocho: The G.O.A.T. of all obscure sports

Please join us as we travel to Afghanistan to observe an interesting national pastime

Two teams of men on horseback. One headless goat carcass.
Buzkashi, or as it is translated, “goat grabbing” or “goat bashing”, is the focus of the newest installment of “The Ocho”. This sport is played between two teams of men on horseback and the objective is to carry the goat around a flag and back to their scoring area. That is pretty much it.
Besides the simple rules of “not intentionally pushing someone off of their horse”, the game is a ruthless competition between expert horsemen.
“I like the no rules,” said junior Dalton Roeber after viewing a video of the sport. “I would maybe try it.”
Like Roeber, the vast majority of students at WS have not been graced with the pleasure of viewing a Buzkashi match. Classic Americans: not acknowledging other country’s customs. Buzkashi is Afghanistan’s NATIONAL SPORT and is played in many Middle Eastern countries. It’s a big deal over there. Matches are typically played on Fridays in front of entire towns, in rain, snow, or the scalding heat, with fans attending in the harshest elements. Buzkashi is similar to the American game, football, or as Buzkashi players say “that wimpy game where they let them wear helmets”.
Buzkashi is a ferocious sport that causes countless injuries and dangers almost everyone involved. So why is it not popular in America? That is the kind of stuff that we love!
“We don’t really own goats,” said freshman Malachai Hester. “We would probably have to use a different animal.”
Sure; one reason could be that the sport would be popular if we substituted in a different headless animal. A more logical option, however, is that replacing a ball with a headless calf might not suit well for younger audiences, or environmentalists.
In fact, when Afghanistan was under Taliban control, the sport was basically banned because it was considered “immoral” by the regime. While most Americans probably do not agree with the Taliban on a lot of issues, this particular one could be a similarity.
“They kill people,” said Roeber. “So they don’t really have room to speak on what’s immoral.”
So the Taliban have no merit in this sense, but disregarding that fact, Buzkashi might be too ruthless for our fragile American minds. The lack of guidelines might scare the rule-followers. The savagery of participants falling off a horse and breaking their bones under horses hooves could cause audiences to turn the channel to something a little more civilized, like UFC. Maybe Buzkashi is not suited for America yet. But that doesn’t mean it won’t catch on.
“This is the greatest thing I have ever seen,” said junior Dwayne Branch. “Sign me up!”